By Jeffy "Jlaix", Executive Coach for Real Social Dynamics

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is the
concept of social pressure.

Unless you've been living in a cave for your entire life, you're
intimately familiar with what I'm talking about here.

The term "social pressure" encompasses a pretty broad range of
experiences, most all of which are unpleasant in one way or
another. Basically, this can mean any social situation where you
feel uncomfortable.

We're exposed to social pressure from a very young age. Remember
your first day in kindergarten? Everything was unfamiliar, you
didn't know anyone. Maybe a group of first graders started
talking smack, calling you a weiner or something. Sounds funny
now, but at the time, it was almost paralyzing.

So here we are, decades later. You're an adult now. Everyone
is nice and civil now. Those feelings of exclusion are a thing
of the past.

Yeah RIGHT!

The fact of the matter is, we still experience social pressure
almost every day. It's just a little more complex than being
called childish names such as "weiner". In most cases,
anyway...

You're at the bar. You approach the girl you want. Suddenly, the
three steroid guys she's there with are up in your face, making
mad aggressive comments about your appearance, grabbing at you.

Blech! You can feel something inside you just sort of shrivel
up and retreat.

How about this one: you approach the girl and she responds by
laughing in your face and turning her back on you, ignoring you
as she continues to talk to her friends. You feel ice dripping
in your chest as you slink away, defeated.

This stuff hurts, folks. Literally. Recently, a study was done
at UCLA which linked social rejection to actual physical pain.
Imaging revealed that the emotional pain of social rejection
activates two brain regions that are also important in the
response to physical pain. A quote:

"Pain activates the anterior cingulate cortex, which signals
higher brain regions that impel an individual to act to stop the
pain; social rejection similarly triggers activity in this
region. Activation of the right ventral prefrontal cortex
appears to help dampen the distress of both physical pain and
social exclusion.

The area of the anterior cingulate cortex most activated by
rejection, said Lieberman, overlaps with the area activated by
internal, rather than external pain. That means rejection 'feels
more like a punch in the stomach than a broken arm,' he said."

So when you hear poets talk about the pain of heartache, they're
not just talking out of their ass. When you get blown off, that
sinking feeling in your gut is not just your imagination.

Your brain tells you, "THIS HURTS. Do something to make it
stop!!!" And consequently, over the years, we develop an
aversion to situations that could result in this pain.

That's why we get these inner game issues like approach anxiety.
It is a learned behavior.

So what the hell do we do? Simple. Activate your right ventral
prefrontal cortex to dampen the signals.

Just kidding!

There's no easy way around this one. You just have to train
yourself to handle it.

Having established a valid connection between physical pain and
social pressure, I'm gonna use a martial arts metaphor here.

Let's say you have two fighters.

One is highly trained in techniques and katas and so on, but
has severely limited experience in actual physical fighting.

The other is a bartender in a biker bar who has been throwing
down in the parking lot for twenty years, but never took a day
of fight training in his life.

Who do you think will come out on top if these guys meet?

The kung-fu guy may get some solid hits in at first, but most
likely the bartender with scar tissue all over his knuckles is
gonna shake it off and simply hit him back harder. Hell, he
might even knock the kung-fu guy out with one punch.

The point is, you can know all the techniques in the world, but
let's face it, out there in the field, we take hits. That's
social pressure. And we have to expose ourselves to it all the
time if we're gonna learn to shake it off and come back with the
KO.

The best guys know this and constantly inoculate themselves
against the heat by throwing themselves into these situations
again and again.

Another FACT is that our response to the pressure will
invariably determine our success or failure in any given social
interaction.

That's why you'll see RSD Executive Coaches charge straight into
a group of five steroid guys standing at the bar with one super
hottie, push the guys out of the way and open her. The guy's got
hands all over him in two seconds, they're yelling in his face
and talking smack, but he simply DOES NOT CARE.

He can take the pressure, he's used to it.

It's like a bubble around him, like the guys try to touch
him and he turns to mist. I remember seeing this shit and
thinking to myself, "Dude... he's the devil."

The girl, on the other hand, sees this and becomes
SUPER-ATTRACTED. Nobody is this confident, they don't ever see
guys like this, and it says a million great things about him.

That's why I can game a girl all night only to have her blow me
off for some tall, good-looking dode, but still play the game
and get her back, busting in and blowing the punk out in a
tug-of-war.

Does it hurt when this kind of stuff happens? Yes. But we're
accustomed to it, and we SHAKE IT OFF.

I once heard it likened it to scuba diving... as you descend,
you logically know you shouldn't be breathing, but the apparatus
protects you and you continue to go deeper.

This is the game, guys. And it ain't no schoolyard ball, this
is the NBA Finals. There's nothing like it, the stakes are
high, the pressure is high, but if you want the rewards, this
is where you have to play.

A lot of times, before I go out for the night, my roommates will
ask me what I'm doing. I'll usually say in a gleeful tone, "I've
invited five girls to the bar. It should be a disaster!
Heeeheeee!"

I actually do this for fun now. See, back in the day, I had a
few nasty Jack Tripper-like incidents where multiple girls
showed up at the bar and I ended up getting slapped.

I remember the first time this happened, I was in full
tonguedown with some girl when I hear an icy-cold voice say,
"Hello, Jeffy. Who the hell is THIS?!!"

I was gripped by a panic, I couldn't speak, I just stood there.

I lost it, I couldn't hold the frame in the face of the social
pressure. It was horrible, I totally dropped the ball and a
raging argument ensued, right there in the bar, while hipsters
gawked and ridiculed me. How gauche!

I resolved that that would never happen again. So I started
intentionally setting these scenarios up so I could learn how to
deal with it.

Now, after experiencing it many, many times, it's something I
actually look forward to. I love it, the feeling of panic in my
stomach when I see two or three girls I'm seeing, and they're
standing in the corner, actually talking TO EACH OTHER, and I
saunter up and say, "Hey girls, what's up?"

It's kinda sick if you really think about it. I've actually
started to ENJOY the pain. Like, I'm a demented sadomasochistic
bastard who cuts himself cause he likes to see it bleed. Like
De Niro in Taxi Driver... a badass with a mowhawk holding his
arm over the stove... or something.

The funny thing is, these girls see it, and rather than assault
and harangue me, now they usually start competing over me.

I can kiss them right in front of the others and nothing
happens. What's the difference? What has changed? Nothing.

The only difference is in my response to the social pressure. I
simply DO NOT CARE. Repeated exposure has made me immune to it.

Not only that, seeing the benefits and success I get by
ignoring the pain replaces the negative anchors I had with
positive ones.

Anyone can do this. I mean, if *I* could do it, you certainly
can. If you met me, you would see that I'm sorta chubby, pale,
short, and pushin' thirty.

When I first started approaching women, I had been with
only five women in my entire life.

Today, I've been with at least ten times that amount, and have
sex with stripper and hot women on a regular basis.

In fact... I'm so bored with regular sex that I can only have
threesomes now. My girlfriend hates it.

I'm not (just) bragging here. The point is, things I felt were
impossible just a short time ago are now a part of my everyday
reality.

I'm guessing that about this time you're thinking to yourself,
"Hey, I want to do the impossible too!"

Well, you can, and the best part is, you won't have to work as
hard as I did to achieve it!

And that, my friend, is where RSD comes in.

______________________________________________________________

Instantly Profit From Our Years Of Hard Work!
______________________________________________________________

In our live, in-field programs, we act as your personal coaches
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It's OUR PROBLEM.

You wouldn't try to teach yourself karate by reading a book,
would you? Probably not. You'd go to a respected, accomplished
instructor.

Why should pick-up be any different? After all, it's been proven
that it can be nearly as painful!

During your personalized bootcamp, you'll be pushed to your
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Then you'll be pushed some more!

And the entire time, the RSD executive coaches will be there,
not only to provide you with intensely detailed feedback and
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This is an investment that pays dividends for a LIFETIME.

______________________________________________________________

"The program was amazing. I learned soooo much stuff and
approached more girls than I had in like 6 years. Watching those
guys work was great - seeing it done live from guys who have
developed the skills is amazing. Jeffy had these 2 chicks
smiling ear to ear, giggling with delight within like 20
seconds!... It is like seeing the male - female interaction
matrix and being able to jump off buildings and dodge bullets...
It's no longer a mystery how pick up works. I had some pieces
before but now I've got a feel for thew whole framework of
steps. Great stuff... I will recommend to dudes in the future
for sure."

- Mike Shimer, San Francisco
______________________________________________________________

It's your life, and it's ticking away every second. You owe it
to yourself. To learn more about Real Social Dynamics
programs, click this link:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/seminars.asp

During your personalized bootcamp, you'll be pushed to your
limits...

Then you'll be pushed some more!

And the entire time, the RSD executive coaches will be there,
not only to provide you with intensely detailed feedback and
suggestions, but also to demonstrate what is REALLY possible.

To learn more about RSD Personalized Bootcamps, visit:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/bootcamps.asp

This is an investment that pays dividends for a LIFETIME.

Thanks again for reading our newsletter, and I'll see you next
time with some more REAL-LIFE tips and tactics. Over and out.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS

PS...And don't forget: this newsletter also serves as a forum
for subscriber questions and success stories. Email them to me
at jlaix@realsocialdynamics.com and I'll answer them personally.
I'll provide the solution to any challenge you can possibly put
to me. Remember: even if an obstacle seems "big" to you, our team
has probably faced it hundreds of times, so we can solve it in a
SNAP.

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____________________________________________________

Jeffy is an Executive Coach for Real Social Dynamics. He has dated some of the world's most desired women and travels around the world as a date coach for clients while teaching seminars on how to do the same. Real Social Dynamics have conducted Live Programs for thousands of clients, including Fortune 500 executives, celebrities, college students and professionals, from over 30 different countries. _________________________________________________________________

Copyright 2005 Real Social Dynamics Inc., All Rights Reserved. "Real Social Dynamics " and "RSD" are trademarks used byReal Social Dynamics Inc.